Life Lessons - Part 2

Hi there everyone! True to my word (though a bit late as Amanda diligently pointed out) I am now going to grace you all with another tidbit of wisdom. This week’s topic should be considered for anyone who isn’t interested in TV anymore.

Lesson #2: TV is Crap!

It’s called the idiot box for a reason; you will become dumber if you watch too much TV, especially these days. Don’t get me wrong, it is important to watch the news sometimes and there are a select few quality shows left but in general, it smells like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's poo. Every time I start flipping through the channels I find myself getting sleepy and wishing for the good old days when Much Music actually played music instead of Porno the Musical! I also miss the quality cartoons like Ghost Busters, Ninja Turtles, and Transformers. They were cool! Now everything (Except Sponge Bob Square Pants) is seizure provoking anime or super violent and recycled trash. I also regret that I still watch the Simpsons from time to time, they had they’re hay day, but that time passed years ago and I’m always left disappointed after watching an episode made in last 3 or 4 years. It’s hard to blame them though, try writing a good script after covering almost every topic imaginable. You know what, they should stop making new episodes now and just re-run every episode every made one episode a week so that the show can go off the air by about 2012.

The worst of all however, are the reality shows, or should I say the gang-up and stab everyone in the back shows! I thought that kids were supposed to learn politics and backstabbing in junior high or at work, not on TV. TV should have more programming like National Geographic, so that we can once again trust TV to educate the young or CBC’s The Big Picture so that we can educate the not so young. More comedy would nice to, not Americas Funniest Home Videos, but actual stand up comics who may actually be funny. I guess I’m trying to say that I’m sick of being fed the same recycled, mindless garbage every night. We need more originally soon or might just have to start reading! What has the world come to, when TV is so bad and commercialized that people have to turn back to books or hit the Internet? It is like a world based on anti-logic were Ashley is polite to everyone, Jeff S. doesn’t injure himself every time we do something, or Jeff Dickson picks quality movies at the video store! Weird thought I know.

Even if I am jaded I know what I say here has some merit. So next time you think of turning on the TV, just drop the remote and do something else instead, like read my blog, it will make you smarter!

Thanks again for reading, sorry about the rather generic subject matter and the delay, but I just got my computer up and running again about an hour ago. I’ll make my next entry less rushed and on time!

Life Lessons - Part1

Hello my good friends and loyal readers, to force myself to update this blog more frequently, I have decided to start a series of entries in no particular order about some of the lessons I’ve learned (Mostly the hard way and at my own expense) over the years. As you can very well imagine, I often learn (or don’t learn) through embarrassing situations that tend to stick with me for years afterwards. Now that I think about it, most people seem to remember me for my nicknames and the stupid and entertaining things that I’ve done in the past, not for my sexy good looks, super human abilities, or other such traits. This could be because some of my long time friends seem to delight in not letting things die! That’s right, as soon I slip up I know I’m doomed to be type cast as “that guy” for all eternity unless I do something even more ridiculous. It’s a viscous cycle I tell you! Once you start this kind of legacy, there is no going back. There is a silver lining to this though, once I’ve made my mark people never forget me, so as my deeds grow in scope, I will become more and more of a celebrity, but hopefully not the kind that ends up in jail!

Lesson #1: Always hold the Lid!

Most people learn this lesson in elementary school, but not me apparently. For those of you who haven’t heard this story already, I will summarize.

It was near the end of grade 12 during one of my spares with Steve and Jeff when they decided to get some work done in art class. Since I am such a good friend and helpful individual (I can’t lie, I was just bored) I decided to lend my talents to the task and help out. Anyway everything started out well, I behaved myself and no one seemed to mind me being there, but then (For some strange reason) the other two started to shake some of the paint cans and sing the “Shake Shake song” but by the end of the song I still wasn’t satisfied with the paint I was shaking, so I shock the can as hard as I could, but since I wasn’t holding the lid (And I underestimated my great strength) the lid suddenly flew off and the paint poured over me as if someone threw it at me in one big sweeping ark. Amazingly, the guy directly behind me wasn’t hit at all and I was the only victim of my own stupidity. Needless to say, I was terribly embarrassed, the teacher was just a little pissed at me and I had to wear my jacket over my shirt the whole rest of the day. As I recall, even Andrew Hubbard laughed at me, and I was later presented with the prestigious MOFO of the Month Award from Steve and Jeff (Believe me that’s hard to earn)!

I’m also sure that this was the day the that soon to be psychology graduate and evil genius extraordinaire Steve started to study me like a test subject and secretly write a book about me that will be published years from now and make him millions of dollars and have me committed at the same time! What a bastard.

But back to the point; this lesson is simple yet deep because it has a literal and figurative meaning. The figurative meaning to me is that you should always avoid “extremist” actions or beliefs because you always miss something (Like keeping a lid on it) and eventually the metaphoric lid will pop off and cover you and everyone you care about in a viscous, colorful liquid and it will forever “stain” your destiny, bah ha ha. Now that’s true wisdom for you, if I didn’t dislike those punk kids these days, I’d teach humanities or something.

Thanks for reading everyone! I will add a new entry every weekend. If for some reason I forget or just get lazy, feel free to call me a jackass (please specify why) and I will get back on it right away!

P.S. Thanks for being such a good sport Steve! I will pick on someone else in my next entry.