Life Lessons - Part1

Hello my good friends and loyal readers, to force myself to update this blog more frequently, I have decided to start a series of entries in no particular order about some of the lessons I’ve learned (Mostly the hard way and at my own expense) over the years. As you can very well imagine, I often learn (or don’t learn) through embarrassing situations that tend to stick with me for years afterwards. Now that I think about it, most people seem to remember me for my nicknames and the stupid and entertaining things that I’ve done in the past, not for my sexy good looks, super human abilities, or other such traits. This could be because some of my long time friends seem to delight in not letting things die! That’s right, as soon I slip up I know I’m doomed to be type cast as “that guy” for all eternity unless I do something even more ridiculous. It’s a viscous cycle I tell you! Once you start this kind of legacy, there is no going back. There is a silver lining to this though, once I’ve made my mark people never forget me, so as my deeds grow in scope, I will become more and more of a celebrity, but hopefully not the kind that ends up in jail!

Lesson #1: Always hold the Lid!

Most people learn this lesson in elementary school, but not me apparently. For those of you who haven’t heard this story already, I will summarize.

It was near the end of grade 12 during one of my spares with Steve and Jeff when they decided to get some work done in art class. Since I am such a good friend and helpful individual (I can’t lie, I was just bored) I decided to lend my talents to the task and help out. Anyway everything started out well, I behaved myself and no one seemed to mind me being there, but then (For some strange reason) the other two started to shake some of the paint cans and sing the “Shake Shake song” but by the end of the song I still wasn’t satisfied with the paint I was shaking, so I shock the can as hard as I could, but since I wasn’t holding the lid (And I underestimated my great strength) the lid suddenly flew off and the paint poured over me as if someone threw it at me in one big sweeping ark. Amazingly, the guy directly behind me wasn’t hit at all and I was the only victim of my own stupidity. Needless to say, I was terribly embarrassed, the teacher was just a little pissed at me and I had to wear my jacket over my shirt the whole rest of the day. As I recall, even Andrew Hubbard laughed at me, and I was later presented with the prestigious MOFO of the Month Award from Steve and Jeff (Believe me that’s hard to earn)!

I’m also sure that this was the day the that soon to be psychology graduate and evil genius extraordinaire Steve started to study me like a test subject and secretly write a book about me that will be published years from now and make him millions of dollars and have me committed at the same time! What a bastard.

But back to the point; this lesson is simple yet deep because it has a literal and figurative meaning. The figurative meaning to me is that you should always avoid “extremist” actions or beliefs because you always miss something (Like keeping a lid on it) and eventually the metaphoric lid will pop off and cover you and everyone you care about in a viscous, colorful liquid and it will forever “stain” your destiny, bah ha ha. Now that’s true wisdom for you, if I didn’t dislike those punk kids these days, I’d teach humanities or something.

Thanks for reading everyone! I will add a new entry every weekend. If for some reason I forget or just get lazy, feel free to call me a jackass (please specify why) and I will get back on it right away!

P.S. Thanks for being such a good sport Steve! I will pick on someone else in my next entry.